I used to be long distance track runner when I was in high school. I loved it. I could run miles upon miles, non-stop. But something in me changed. Life happened. When I was in high school, I allowed a circumstance that hurt me deeply to begin to define who I was. In thinking about it, it’s really quite incredible how powerful our emotions are over our mind & actions. One day I could run miles non-stop, the next day I couldn’t go 5 minutes without needing a break…my brain repeating “I can’t do this…I’m not good enough.” That one situation ruined running for me for a long time. Ever since then, I’d cringe at the thought of running. I would try, but I still just could not get over that wall I had built in my head.
Since I changed jobs last summer, though, a lot in me has changed. So many people that have seen me since I changed jobs have noticed a difference. Even my husband has said it’s like the old Emily he knew when we first started dating has returned- the free spirit, light-hearted, conquer-the-world Emily is slowly returning. I’ve noticed a difference in myself, also. There is a slow fire flickering & growing in my soul.
Recently, I also came to the realization that I don’t get NEARLY as much exercise as I did in my previous job. All of a sudden, someone snuck up and added a few extra pounds than what I’m comfortable with. Yes- I’m skinny, but I have realized that does NOT mean I’m healthy. So, my husband & I (sweet, sweet, SWEET man that he is) have started walking together. Since we’ve started walking- the flickering flame in my soul has spread. I feel more awake, alive, & better than ever. The fire that started growing in me because certain burdens were lifted off my shoulders has spread…my spirit is free, my heart is free, & all of a sudden it’s like there’s a life in my lungs that needs more. I know, it sounds strange…but it’s so encouraging. Who knew a desire to run could be so encouraging. But for someone like me- someone struggling to rebuild inside, someone struggling to grow in confidence, someone struggling to remind myself that I CAN…for me it is an encouraging sign of life returning…a flicker of life growing more intense. It is encouraging to have a spirit in me growing to the point it’s ready to run, run, & run some more. It is encouraging to know I’m finally able to tear down the walls in my heart & mind.
I’m thankful for the change & I’m grateful for the hope this tiny flicker of life is creating for myself…here’s to the future & finding out where God leads me next.
Be blessed, friends!